Harmonious Chinese matrimony in cognito.
Low and behold on Friday 22ndJanuary 2010 Stephen Lee who is headmaster of Only International Education School in Suqian married his long time fiancée in a wedding ceremony in his local village.
After being together for 4 years they finally decided to tie the knot upon which the announcement was made in school of that particular week.
They actually registered the marriage in December of 2009 but seeing as today was the 3rd week of 21st January 010 it was quite recent
It was not the normal ceremony that perhaps westerners like myself are used to enjoying but they do decorate the car on the outside from back to front.
Of the ceremonies I had seen in China so far none of the cars had tin cans tied to the rear bumper which actually makes a quite a load noise as you travel.
In England and I am certain in America this tradition still continues to this day but here in China fireworks are set off quite close to the car which actually which makes a bigger noise than the tins cans.
From seeing previous private wedding ceremonies the noise can be heard from quite a distance so everyone knows whats happening and is supposed to be happy..
Oliver Deng who is director of the English department informed me a day before we travelled to the wedding which only made me think of other celebrations such a birthdays or anniversaries that I had been to in different countries including my own.
If I had a personal preference as to which country I had enjoyed seeing people celebrating marry times over it would have to be Israel.
On the 1st September 1992 I married an Israeli lady which now I think about it was nearly 20 years ago.
Because time goes so fast that wedding seemed only yesterday but the memory still lives on in my heart.
That day was actually one of the better days of my life despite my mixed emotions towards the Jewish state since I left the country nearly 8 years ago..
Some sectors of religious Jewish societies take their wedding ceremonies rather seriously especially the ultra orthodox in which the happy couple is considered to be a rather crucial part of Jewish heritage.
In China the type of wedding is also traditional but personally speaking I would have preferred a slightly warmer day.
We travelled to a few places including the village where Stephen Lee grew up.
The village was about one hours drive from the school in Suqian in which a number of people from the school came to the ceremony in private cars.
When we arrived in a town called Suriya the first activity we did was to decorate all the cars which took about an hour.
We actually met up with Stephen Lee plus other friends in this place after which we went to a large village where his parents still lived.
Once inside the main perimeter of the village we continued inside a slightly smaller complex to see many large and small houses with gardens.
It must be said that some parts were more derelict than others but it was like driving through a large farming community with farm animals such as chickens and ducks walking free.
We also noticed many small children strolling around and enjoying the freedom of the countryside but warmly dressed..
It was more than evident that many of the people owned large plots of land but I didn’t see any crops being grown here unless they were located in another part of the farming community..
This village was about as rural as one can get but when I thought about the matter more deeply the life here really wasn’t that bad in fact it was better than I might have been lead to believe despite the bitterly cold wintry weather.
One example came from the water supply leading to their home which was a faucet located near the kitchen located just outside.
Unlike many dwellings in Nepal one had to merely to turn the tap on and water came out.
I didn’t ask from where the source came from but in Nepal all the water had to be mechanically cranked out of an underground well.
Considering that fact that the two countries are next to each other this might come as a bit of a surprise with one nation being that much more modern than the other..
China is also a much larger country compared to that of Nepal so seeing the single tap in the kitchen area was still a luxury.
Life in the village is certainly different compared to the local towns and cities but I don’t believe that too many people continue to live like this.
China might have over 1.3 billion people but I doubt whether more than 20% still dwell like peasants.
I might not have seen any major new buildings in the construction process but some of the people did possess some rather elegant homes.
For those who could afford it solar panels for heating the water from the sun were built onto the roof.
They looked as if they had been added quite recently because I couldn’t see any rust which had gathered from the winter.
For the rest it was still a matter of burning coal or gas which is still considered a cheap commodity in China..
China might still be old fashioned in villages, towns and some cities but I have no doubt within the next 20 to 40 even 50 years time most of the old buildings will be knocked down to pave the way for new ones.
A village of this size is no exception, it’s just a matter of time.
As much as people have lived in a place like this for 100’s of years the thatched style roofs which I could see on some buildings are good insulators against the cold will eventually be gone.
Today was not about thinking about what might happen in 50 years time it was about one a groom and his bride.
After only one hour we all drove off with Stephen Lee’s parents to another large town which like so many others in China was very modern with many new buildings in the process of being built.
We stopped outside what looked like a rather large hotel where we would spend the next 1 1/2 hours to have dinner.
By now it was the hottest part of the day and would remain so for at least the next 3 hours especially if you stood in the sunshine.
Stephen Lee’s wife was actually waiting in one of the hotel rooms which was warm and comfortable.
She was wearing a rather stunning white dress plus her hair was nicely cut and full of decorations.
For a Chinese lady I couldn’t help but notice that her complexion was like a silky pearly white.
Because China is such a large country the diversity of people is quite astounding depending on which part they came from..
There was no ring on the second finger on her left hand but Stephen Lee wore a ring on the correct finger of his left hand.
Wedding rings are purely matrimonial as is the registration and documentation that goes with it..
In some parts of the world people like to live together as man and wife only without any legal documents or cultural obligations
In the western world the groom normally buys a ring for his bride with a commitment or a dowry..
Once they register a wedding it’s down to them when they have the party.
Inside the hotel I wanted to feel the warmth inside my body as we sat down to two tables.
I didn’t know how much time we would spend here so as the food was put on glass plates this was another dinner party to which I truly enjoyed.
For once I saw strawberries which was for me a luxury.
In fact I hadn’t really enjoyed eating this type of fruit since leaving the UK 4 1/2 months ago..
Strawberries it seemed were available in China but I wasn’t sure how expensive they were at this time of the year.
What I did do was to turn the large glass plate round so I could pull off two halves because that was all I managed to take before the plate was moved around.
Strawberries might have been my favourite fruit but the plate was turned around until the dish was by the bride.
The groom removed the plate and put it by his wife so she could take as many as she wanted.
Of all the fruits and vegetables on the large glass plate I wanted that one more than any other..
Out of respect for the bride and groom I didn’t want to ask for the plate to be put back on as I was a guest.
I was quite lucky to eat that single strawberry but as far as the rest of the dinner was concerned it was a matter of being able to pick and choose what I so desired and that was that.
We all used chopsticks and often drank from that tiny glass which was constantly filled with a rice wine.
It might be have been very potent but in the 4 1/2 months since I had been in China I was gradually getting more and more used to this powerful tasting liquor.
Chinese certainly like to celebrate in style which is more than evident at each dinner party I had been to so far.
It was incredible to see allsorts of different dishes being put on the dinner table each time.
The variety of delicateness in China is larger than any other country I have been in so far.
Each new dish seemed more delicious than the previous one so I was able to pick and choose until my heart’s content.
In as much that I enjoyed the food it wasn’t long before everyone got up put on their coats and went outside the hotel except that is for the bride and groom who after just 10 minutes were seen walking in the hotel lobby to their car.
Stephen Lee was carrying his new wife as he helped her into the front seat while firecrackers could be heard going off at the same time.
Once back in the car we travelled back to the village to continue the celebrations.
It was about 2 pm when we got back to their house but the bride and groom weren’t the only star attractions
Imagine a tall white foreigner in a village of about 5 to 10,000 residents including children.
They looked at me and began to laugh as to where I was from.
London, England I tried to explain in simple words.
Well London it seemed was too much for them to understand so I kept it more simple and said England.
‘Ingua’ was the Chinese translation which I finally I had learned to say after many unsuccessful attempts to get the right pronounciation.
The villagers had lived simple lives and it seemed that they were more than happy to see me dressed in a coat, hat, scarf.
At first I tried to imagine what they must have thought meeting up with a foreigner but I also knew the first and only thought that came into their minds was that I was a teacher.
Well I knew the word for teacher in Chinese was ‘lausher’ and it had taken me some time before I managed to get that word right too..
While the afternoon was still quite warm I managed to be as friendly as possible as they looked at me and I at them.
We were not able to talk because I didn’t know enough Chinese for a conversation and they didn’t know any English at all..
Being friendly was easy but Oliver plus two other teachers had to translate from time to time so they could understand something rather than nothing at all about each other..
I might have been a little different but I don’t believe they had seen too many foreigners in this part of the world.
Whether I was the first one they had seen was purely coincidental but how they reacted to my presence was extremely important to me..
You can be sure that this wasn’t the first foreign environment that I had been in where I wasn’t able to speak properly to the locals.
Even in Israel it had taken some 2 to 3 years before I knew enough vocabulary to speak 60 to 70% fluent but learning the Hebrew language was much easier than Chinese.
I also remember being much younger when I learnt Hebrew now I was already past 45..
A big part of me didn’t know if I would ever speak even the most basic Chinese because It was the most confusing language I had tried to learn so far.
I might have been in China for over 4 months but even learning those 200 words had required a considerable effort on my part before I got the correct sound.
Adjusting to life in this village was a challenge in itself but it wasn’t long before I felt the cold seeping in through my body again.
My thermal top was in my room because I had left it there.
I was in a rush to leave the school that morning and didn’t think I would be needing it well how wrong I was.
My gloves were also in my room in addition to wearing only one pair of socks.
Somehow I had to keep warm but with no heating and nearly everything being in the open I wondered how this was going to be achieved..
As I continued to be a focal point in the village the top part of my body was fine but only for the time being..
Some people only wore only one shirt, jumper and a coat.
It seemed they were used to this type of prolonged cold climate but as to me part of my feet became numb with the cold.
I had learned the word for cold and freezing in Chinese too so I pointed to both feet and told them there was no feeling in this part.
They looked at me trying to understand my facial expression.
I was lucky that just part of my feet were cold for my hands were still quite warm.
For much of the time I had kept them inside my pockets which was the main reason why my hands never got that cold.
My hands and feet had already gotten frozen many times since the real wintry weather had begun in November.
Even despite the cold weather I watched two ladies prepare a large meal for more than 40 people.
The kitchen was spread out over quite a large area outside the front door.
They were busy preparing the different types of meats and salads with no gloves on so I began to wonder how they kept warm in sub zero temperatures.
This particular wedding celebration was one of the coldest I can ever remember in a long time because we were outside.
I can recall another wedding celebration back in the winter of 1992 when it snowed quite heavily just one day before the party..
That was in Jerusalem, Israel when a rather infrequent storm caused at least two power cuts inside the main wedding reception area.
The main ceremony was still held outside as a friend of mine married his fiancée.
He was an American while she was Canadian on that occasion, but now I was in China in a large village where more fireworks went off.
As I walked around the main entrance to their home I couldn’t help but notice 3 large metal bath tubs near to the faucet..
Just looking at each one exposed to the elements made me feel rather cold.
All of a sudden it occurred to me that people actually wash inside them.
Water is boiled and poured into the bath tube but surely not in winter.
During long cold spells some children went a long time without a proper wash.
Personal hygiene was a problem as I looked at the way the people lived.
They did have a regular power and water supply but I can imagine only too well about what life must have been like only recently as 50 to 100 years ago when people used to wash in wooden bath tubs and not metallic ones like those on the ground.
Water was boiled with firewood and coal because gas cylinders had not been invented in those days..
To me hot water and electricity were still expensive commodities in many underdeveloped parts of the world.
I had been in Nepal where even a limited power source for a few hours a day is still considered a luxury.
In some of the remotest villages they still use candlelight or kerosene lanterns at night.
Then I began to wonder just where did the power source come from in this village?
We were not so far from an industrial zone where they had to be at least one coal powered power station.
I was sure there were power cables on tall wooden posts which were connected to different parts of the house.
Even in Nepal which was one of the poorest countries in Asia there were large power pylons with large wires attached to the houses.
In this village there seemed to be an unlimited supply from the power station but there were no electric heaters in the house.
There might have been plenty of light but that didn’t help my feet which were now freezing.
There was certainly no where to warm them up and I wasn’t going to remove my socks and shoes to show then how cold my feet were.
I can assure you I wasn’t the only one suffering from cold feet but why did Stephen Lee choose the winter to marry?
Compared to others I was dressed quite warmly because some people like the groom wore only a suit.
Whether he was cold was one issue but I didn’t bother to ask him because this was his ceremony and I was a guest..
When it was completely dark at 6.30/7pm we went to the nearest field which was just a few meters away from the house to see a rather wonderful fireworks display.
It took about 15 minutes to set up and lasted about 20 minutes in total.
Then it was time to sit down at the dinner table and enjoy the food for which two woman had spent many hours to prepare.
As the dishes were brought in I was even more flabbergasted as to the types of food that were available once again and in a place like this.
My feet might have been cold but the man sitting next to me told me not only were his feet cold but his hands too.
It seemed that I was not alone in my world of cold fusion but we were here to enjoy ourselves as more of the rice wine was poured into my glass.
There were 3 dinner tables spread out over two rooms.
The doors were kept wide open so more food could be brought onto the table.
What an experience I was having as we played a few games, pictures were taken and everyone it seemed was happy.
The food was fit for a king as I was spoiled for chose not knowing what delicious item would come from the kitchen next time.
Well I didn’t have to wait long for a plate of two live fish was placed over a hot fire with red decorations to accompany them.
The fish were small and being cooked alive in front of our very eyes.
Well I never as the man sitting next to me was just as amazed as I was.
As I sat at the table trying to keep warm it also occurred to me that there was snow here from time to time in the winter and how these people can keep warm in those conditions I will never know.
I didn’t ask anyone but one fact was for sure this was one story I just had to write up.
Chinese matrimony.
From decorations on the car, to a huge card which we all signed.
From fireworks in the streets to dinner parties in the hotel and village..
From special tinsel being poured over the the happy couple as they walked from the car to a room inside the house to the fireworks display in the field outside their home.
The experience of seeing how people live in a large village in the winter to how they prepare the food outside is an absolute must to witness face to face.
As to the cleanliness in the winter months I couldn’t help but wonder just how they can take a metal bath tub and rinse it out before giving a child a wash in subzero temperatures without them getting ill..
Just thinking about it made me shiver all over but deep down inside of me but just before it was time to return to the school at 8 pm one amazing thought suddenly occurred to me.
I would quite like to live in a place like this for one week to savour the life as a Chinese peasant.
No internee, mobile phone, heating, proper bed, bath and away from away from civilization in the local town.
Give me some work to do on the farm for 7 days because I really don’t mind a little hard work.
It can be working the soil with oxen and the old fashioned plough or sewing seeds for the new harvest..
Give me just one week to blend into the country and live like a Chinese peasant.
It would be quite some adventure from the prospective of an Englishman to write about but as far as this story is concerned I had completed my first ever wedding ceremony in China.
It might have been a cold one, it might have been rather unusual for a foreigner to be here to say the very least.
However as I wondered just how the villagers saw me as being different compared to them what went on in their minds as I sat back in the warmth of a car.
I thanked Stephen Lee and his wife for being so hospitable and wondered how much longer it would be before I would be graced in the company of more lovely people and be invited to taste a yet feast fit for a king.
I wish that you were here